I will make a confession to you today.

At the end of every semester at Columbia Business School, there is a sudden rise in the number of students who resent me. What’s more remarkable is that they say it straight to my face – in fact, they share it with me in writing. I get several emails that start like this: “Prof. Wadhwa, I resent you…”.

Well, let me add more texture. Students have to send me documents from time to time, like their term paper. Sometimes, I or my teaching assistant may email them to inquire about their submission. Some may then re-send their paper. It is among these that some will write, “Professor, I resent you my paper.”

Whew! They don’t actually resent me. By casually skipping the hyphen, their innocuous act of re-sending a document is transformed into a gut-wrenching expression of resentment. I don’t read my emails in a linear fashion (do you?). Instead, my eyes dance all over the email to look for key words and phrases that will give me a quick sense of what the note is about. So what jumps out at me in these emails is “I resent you”. These words pack an emotional punch, and my heart then misses a beat or two before I soak in the larger context of the note. I mentally insert the omitted hyphen, and peace is restored.

There is a moral to this story. Let’s pay attention to small details…you never know where in your life seemingly inconsequential departures from precision could bring someone great pain and suffering.

One head of state, in his visit to Israel, was giving a speech to their parliamentary body, the Knesset. As a gesture of goodwill, he remarked, “We in my nation love your Hamas!” — causing much consternation among the legislators.

I am pretty sure he meant “hummus”.

What you mean to say to someone may be very different from what they hear. Seek to step into their shoes and phrase things in a way that will land well on them. This means you take ownership not only over your intentions, but also over the way your message is crafted and conveyed so it meets people where they are.

And, if you wish for us to be friends, never, ever, drop your hyphens.

Warmly,
Hitendra Wadhwa

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