It was the 1950s, and Terry Dobson was one of the first Americans studying the martial art of Aikido in Japan. One afternoon, he was riding on a train in Tokyo when a belligerent, drunk man boarded the same train car as him. The man began to terrorize the passengers, screaming curses — even taking a swing at a woman holding a baby.

In peak physical condition from his daily 8-hour Aikido workouts, Terry felt like he had to do something. He remembered the words of his teacher, “Aikido is the art of reconciliation…we study how to resolve conflict, not how to start it.” Terry had agreed never to pick a fight but to use his abilities for self-defense. Now life was giving him a real opportunity to test his ability to defend himself. He stood up.

As the drunk man started to come towards him to ‘teach him some manners’, a joyous voice shouted, ‘Hey!’

It was a tiny elderly Japanese man, sitting in his kimono and beaming with delight, beckoning the drunk man to him.

“Why the hell should I talk to you?” replied the drunk man.

“What’cha been drinking?” the old man asked, his eyes still beaming.

 “I been drinking sake, and it’s none of your business,” the drunk bellowed.

“Oh that’s wonderful, absolutely wonderful,” the old man replied warmly. “You see, I love sake too. Every night, me and my wife — she’s seventy-six, you know — we warm up a little bottle of sake and take it out into the garden, and we sit on an old wooden bench…,” he continued on about the persimmon tree in his backyard, the fortunes of his garden, enjoying sake in the evening.

The drunk man’s face began to soften as he listened; his fists unclenched. “Yeah, I love persimmons too,” his voice trailing off.

“Yes,” the old man replied, “and I’m sure you have a wonderful wife.”

“No,” said the laborer. “My wife died…” sobbing, he launched into his story — a sad tale of losing his wife, his home, his job, and shame.

Just then the train came to Terry’s stop, and as he was getting off, he turned to hear the old man invite the drunk to join him and tell him all about it, and to see the drunk sprawl along the seat, his head in the old man’s lap.

(This anecdote is from Daniel Goleman’s book, ‘Emotional Intelligence’)

The old man had just taught Terry a real-life Aikido lesson. Aikido is “the way of unifying (with) life energy”, or “the way of harmonious spirit.” The primary goal in Aikido, its founder Morihei Ueshiba stated, is “true victory, final victory over oneself, here and now.”

We often absorb and reflect the energy of the people around us. When they are aggressive, we become aggressive. When they are rude, we become rude. Psychologists call it the principle of reciprocity — it’s human nature. But beneath our human nature lies our true nature. We attain true victory when we act from that place within, questing for unity and harmony in all of life’s affairs.

What positive outcome could you and I manifest in our own moments of conflict if we first strive to attain victory over our own self?

Warmly,
Hitendra

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