I was recently at Blue Spirit, a beautiful retreat center in Costa Rica, for a week with our Mentora Youth Fellowship.

These are fifteen college students from around the world — Hong Kong, Pakistan, Germany, Hungary, UK and the US — who, over the last year, have been on a journey with us to develop character, leadership, and changemaking skills. Our goal in instituting this scholarship at Mentora Foundation, the non-profit arm of our Institute, has been to take all that we have learned over the last sixteen years on creating outer impact from a place of inner mastery and translate it into a program that appeals to today’s youth — and prepares them for a lifelong journey of growth, changemaking, and fellowship with each other.

This retreat at Blue Spirit was the culminating event of a year-long journey with our Youth Fellows. They are such an inspiring group, and you can read about them here.

My colleague Taylor suggested we do one day of silence with them, so we designed it into the week’s flow. The Fellows leaned into that moment with such grace! It wasn’t simply a pause in their conversations for that day, it was also a letting go of their digital chatter.

In researching and reflecting on the power of silence in preparation for this moment with them, I came across a beautiful commentary on where silence in our lives can be most helpful. Can you think of the situations in your life where silence can be a beautiful thing? Some situations are obvious — like when you are going to bed, or meditating, or journaling.

But here are five other situations that this commentary points to.

1. When you are angry, practice silence. It will help you ensure you do not let your anger impel you to say something or say it in a tone that can intensify the conflict you are in. You may be very drawn to speaking in that moment, but by holding back, you will give yourself space and time to calm down, understand the reason for your anger, put things in perspective, and decide on the best course of action before you actually take any action. Words spoken in anger can leave a lasting emotional wound on those we interact with.
2. When you face conflict, practice silence. You may be tempted to argue, debate, defend your point. But first, practice silence. Listen, question, learn, step back, deepen your understanding. What truth may be present in some corner of the other person’s view, even if you don’t agree with all of it? What will you gain or lose today, and what may you gain and lose in the long-term, by asserting your position more fiercely today? Silence will help you clarify and consolidate, and then respond with grace and wisdom.
3. When you experience grief, practice silence. The silence will take you and those who are grieving with you closer to your heart. The feelings of loss that flow in us in such moments are subtle, deeply personal, and often unfamiliar. Silence gives us permission to be fully attentive to these feelings, to honor the love we have experienced, the blessing of someone’s presence in our lives, and the human tug of attachment we must now let go of. In silence, we can process these feelings and become whole again by tapping our Inner Core.
4. When there is uncertainty, practice silence. Put anxiety aside. Put restlessness aside. Put impatience aside. Use the silence to go deep within, to draw upon your intuition. What is it telling you, on how you should approach the moment even though there’s very little external visibility you have on where things are going and how things may turn out? Silence puts us in touch with our inner voice, the greatest source of wisdom and assurance we have in life.
5. When you gain success, practice silence. Silence will help you stay humble. It isn’t your victory after all —- it is the work of so many that has brought you to this place. Silence will help you stay grounded. Yes, there’s reason to celebrate, but there are also lessons to be learned, gratitude to be offered, losing parties to be honored, and next steps to be taken to keep advancing forward.

And I propose adding one other situation…

6. When you connect, practice silence. Moments of silence between two individuals, and in teams and larger groups, can deepen the connection people feel. Outer conversation gives way to the inner flow of spirit. A quiet bond is formed. A most beautiful communication happens on its own, guided by our intuition and not our logic. Everyone present gets transported to that place where, as Gandhi once said, “when you are there and I am there, there is only one of us”.

In what moments today will you invite yourself into your cave of silence?

Warmly,
Hitendra

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