Before South Africa’s transition from Apartheid rule to a democracy, one of the country’s military leaders, General Viljoen, threatened Nelson Mandela that if the white Afrikaner population didn’t get their own land, he would turn the military against the elected democratic regime.

If you were in Mandela’s shoes, how would you have responded to the fierce General?

Mandela invited Viljoen to his office and poured him some tea as they sat down for their discussion. Once the General shared his threat of mutiny, Mandela responded:

“Look, General, I know that the military forces you can muster are powerful and well-armed and well-trained; and that they are far more powerful than mine. Militarily we cannot fight you; we cannot win. If, however, you do go to war, you assuredly will not win either, not in the long run. Because, one, the international community will be totally behind us. And, two, we are too many, and you cannot kill us all. So then, what kind of life will there be for your people in this country? My people will go to the bush, the international pressure on you will be enormous and this country will become a living hell for all of us. Is that what you want?”

The General abandoned his mutinous plans and threw his support behind Mandela.

What Mandela achieved seems remarkable. Imagine having this capacity to sway a fierce General’s heart and mind and turn around their behavior. Let’s break down his response, action by action:

Before he spoke, Mandela poured the General some tea. This was a simple act of human connection. Then, he spoke the following words:

• Look, General, I know that the military forces you can muster are powerful and well-armed and well-trained; and that they are far more powerful than mine. Militarily we cannot fight you; we cannot win. Here, Mandela disarmed the General by identifying something they both agreed on.
• If, however, you do go to war, you assuredly will not win either, not in the long run. Because, one, the international community will be totally behind us. And, two, we are too many, and you cannot kill us all. Here, he fused opposites, finding truth in two opposing ideas (“We cannot win. And you cannot win.”).
• So then, what kind of life will there be for your people in this country? Here, he appealed to the General’s values.
• My people will go to the bush, the international pressure on you will be enormous and this country will become a living hell for all of us. Here, he painted a default future — what might happen if the General acted on his threat of armed rebellion.
• Is that what you want? Here, he offered unconditional respect to the General by honoring his right to choose for himself, entrusting him to make the right decision for his people.

When we analyze what Mandela did, we realize the following. 

You and I, too, can do remarkable things.

Because you and I, too, can forge human connection. And disarm. And fuse opposites, appeal to others’ values, paint a default future and practice unconditional respect. None of these actions are hard to do on their own. It’s just that if you and I had been thrust into Mandela’s situation, it might not have occurred to us to use these actions to win over the General.

So, here is the principle I want to offer you. We ascend from ordinary to extraordinary by making the extraordinary, ordinary: by breaking down the seemingly extraordinary behavior into small, simple, intuitive actions.

Next time you feel “Oh, wow! So-and-so is so [inspirational, resilient, courageous, compassionate, visionary…],” just examine what they do, frame by frame. Find a “moment of impact” where they have acted extraordinarily, and break their behavior into small actions. Then, ask yourself: Have you ever performed similar actions, perhaps in a relaxed context with a friend? If not, could you practice and learn to perform such actions? Gradually, the capacities you thought were so out of reach will become eminently achievable. 

But there’s a catch.

You have to love these actions — practice them, strive to become better and better at them, perform them from the depths of your soul. As Warren Buffett once said, “You don’t need to have extraordinary effort to achieve extraordinary results. You just need to do the ordinary, everyday things exceptionally well.”

If you are energized by this approach to ascending to “extraordinary” leadership, I invite you to join us for the second of our three-part Executive Retreat Series, Outer Impact: Leading with Agility in the Flow of Work, on April 9-11 in Charleston, South Carolina.

Warmly,
Hitendra

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